Category Archives: Dignity

Random Asks of Kindness

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Be willing to receive the riches that are already there.

An open hand is willing to receive the treasures of the Universe.

One New Year’s Eve, I was desperate to join my friends at a concert—but I was stuck waiting tables. Knowing it was a long shot, I asked my manager if I could be cut early. To my surprise, he said yes. A senior waitress nearby overheard and asked, “Why does she get to go home early?” He simply shrugged and said, “Because she asked.”
That moment stuck with me.

I’d made small asks all my life—some big ones too—but something about his response reframed everything. It showed me how powerful it is to just ask. It’s a lesson I’ve carried with me ever since. I’ve gotten such delight in getting yes-es. Most recently:

I asked the top commercial agency in L.A. to sign me – they did.
I asked the director/producer of Curb Your Enthusiasm for a direct booking — and he gave it to me!
I asked the L.A. SAG-AFTRA Conservatory to add me to their faculty – and they did!

I must admit that I was fully qualified for the yes-es, including at the restaurant where I was a reliable, long-time employee. But here’s the most common, heartbreaking thing:

Too often, we decide that
we don’t deserve it, aren’t qualified, or simply not good enough —
so we never even bother to ask.

Are you afraid of a ‘no’? Don’t be. “No” doesn’t move you backward, it simply leaves you where you are – no harm, no foul. But a “yes” has the power to unlock something new! Fear turns into neutrality and opportunity turns into self-care when you practice random asks of kindness on yourself. Just look into the eyes of a baby, and you’ll see that we’re all born deserving. We’re all born good enough.

“Sometimes it takes only one act

of kindness and caring
to change a person’s life.” —Jackie Chan

Who Knows the REAL You?

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Back in the day, when I was running my marketing business, I came up with a tagline that reflected more than just branding — It’s not who you know, it’s who knows you. It captured what I was learning firsthand. Self-marketing was teaching me a lot, and it made me think back on some pivotal, gleeful moments from my early theatre career:

Like when The Steppenwolf Theatre called me in — and I booked the role — without an agent submission.
 Or when a director from The Second City personally recommended me — and I was hired.
 Or when roles came directly to me, no middleman, no insider connection.

None of those doors opened because I “knew someone”. They opened because someone knew me — through my work, my reputation, and how I put myself out there.

Over the past year and a half, I’ve noticed more and more branding companies using the same tagline I coined years ago. I don’t think they intentionally copied it—more likely, they’re just starting to see what I saw back then. Either way, it doesn’t really matter. I’ve moved on.

The Recognized Actor started to shift around 2018, the moment I saw the tagline was missing something very important — me. Or if you were my client, it was missing you. So the new version might be something like, It’s not who you know, it’s who knows you — most importantly, it’s you knowing you.

I never used this new version of the tagline — I gave it a complete makeover. When I say “you knowing you,” I’m not just talking about self-awareness or brand identity. I mean something deeper: recognizing the essence of who you are — beyond name, culture, or upbringing. It’s about seeing You — the infinitely creative You. The genius You. The You who lives at the center of Infinite Possibility. And when you live through that You, the world responds — not just people, but everything. Chance meetings. Perfect timing. Opportunities that seem to appear from nowhere.

Recognize yourself, and
the world recognizes you.

Ever ask, “Am I the only one who sees this”?

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I drove home from an acting gig this past year, like Carrie walked home from Prom – desperately needing to wash it all off of me. It took me awhile to figure out why. No, I didn’t set anything on fire, and I sincerely enjoyed the work. but the plainest I could tell was that even in the so called “grown-up world”, high school cliques still exist.

Artist’s rendering of Carrie walking home from prom.

 
In every YA book, there’s the kid who doesn’t fit in, but ultimately becomes the hero of the story. I’ve decided that I’m that kid. But then again, I make up stuff for a living.
 
Most of the industry was shut down last year, because many producers couldn’t afford to implement the new COVID safety protocols. The few that could afford it, implemented regular COVID testing, special food handling, hourly sanitizing, extra personnel, zoning, etc. It was tough, but when they got it right, it was impressive. They knew that any missteps could have serious consequences. So when this particular production refused to check any cast or crew member’s COVID test results, I was speechless. They insisted that “HIPAA law states they cannot see anyone’s test results”. In my head, I was like….yeah…no, that’s not how it works. I then asked playfully, “Well…would you like to know if I tested negative?” They looked me straight in the eye and all super-serious-like said: “We assume that responsible people would not show up on set if they tested positive!” Wowza, they just told me that their safety standards were based on…assumption!
 
Only three of us consistently wore face masks. It was about 50/50 for everyone else. The day they added fourteen (untested) extras on set, I had to walk out. No drama, I just laughed at the absurdity of it all, and waited outside until they were ready to roll. The COVID Compliance Officer (CCO) apologized profusely, but I could feel I was becoming a “problem” for them.
 
According to safety protocols, I was due for a re-test along with two other actors. In the clinic, I pointed out that we were about to be administered the wrong COVID test. (Why am I the only one who actually reads stuff before signing it?) One actor agreed with me, while the other remained silent. Our CCO spoke to the nurse to see if she could give us the proper test, and she said yes. The three of us went in for our “swab up the nose” only to find out minutes later, that production did the old bait & switch – they gave us the rapid, cheaper test after all. Oh, and they still didn’t want to know our results. I just laughed and laughed.
 
But I felt alone. Stupid and alone. No one else asked questions. No one else seemed to care. Some of you may be asking, Why didn’t you call the union? Why didn’t you just walk away? The best I can come up with is this: I got a strong sense that this was a defensive bunch who would double down on how right they were, I felt a bit trapped being on location, out of state, and quite frankly, I was stunned. I also know the importance of “playing well with others”, so I never pointed fingers, I never got super serious, and I never pushed the issue. I honestly didn’t know if they were arrogant a-holes or just plain stupid? I did know, however, that I was turning into that hall monitor no one likes.
 
So when I was finally wrapped – cut a day early – I felt like a social leper. I hadn’t discovered their nightly bar visits until four days in, because dummy me was going straight to her room every night to be safe. The one night I did join them for a quick beer, it was only the sound guy and me who wore masks. They memorialized a karaoke night a few nights later in an email. Hmmm…. everyone sharing mics and singing/shouting between swigs of alcohol – Thank you for not inviting me. Seriously, thank you.
 
My drive home was…freeing. I could breathe again. I wasn’t being judged for asking questions or wearing a mask. I was giddy to the fact that I wasn’t in their high school drama anymore, and the mean girls – I felt the most disparagement from the women – were just girls.
 
It is usually that kid who is comfortable in their own skin, that kid who marches to the beat of their own drum, who ends up being the hero. So when you happen to be the “only one” who sees something out of place, relax in knowing that the truth always come out.

Hermione Granger reads a book.

P.S.: The union was called and they took swift action.

Overworked and Unpaid

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Recently, I read the article, Dear Hollywood: We Don’t Want to “Go Back to Normal.” Normal Wasn’t Working. While it was written from the perspective of a professional crew person dealing with insane hours, on-set bullying, and impossible expectations, it made me look to see how actors were affected – specifically with commercial auditions. While the author’s complaints were legitimate (thousands have agreed with him), one could say “Well, at least he was getting paid”. Actors don’t get paid for auditions, but it absolutely is work.
 
I’m not here to suggest paid auditions. I knew the deal before embarking on this career, but back in the day, we had higher earning potential. I missed the “golden era” where an actor could buy a house from one commercial. Four years ago, I did two national network commercials – a car company and an insurance company, arguably big money clients – but my combined pay was lower than the national poverty level.
 
Since Quarantine, there are fewer auditions, but commercial casting directors are accepting more and more self-tapes. The ad agencies’ audition demands have moved from the casting offices, to the actor’s home. Not only are we freely giving these ad agencies our talent in the form of auditions (also giving them new script ideas in the process), but now we’ve become unpaid session runners, location scouts, editors, and DPs. And here’s the kicker: ad agencies have yet to sign on to safety protocols recommended by our union. So even after jumping through hoops with self-tapes and editing, we’re not even guaranteed a safe set.
 
Who needs actors? More and more we’re seeing auditions requiring real families, friends or couples who are quarantined together with “no experience necessary”. I used to feel a camaraderie with actors who booked, because I knew they pounded the pavement on the regular, but now we’re seeing non-actors booking spots – not by luck, but merely because they live with a professional actor.
 
“Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to our eyes. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or weak; and at last some crisis shows what we have become.” Brooke Foss Westcott
 
Sure, the current conditions give ad agencies a good excuse. But just like the article mentioned above, the industry is growing comfortable asking us to do more (like re-shoot auditions, record different angles, submit within 24 hours, etc.) Capitalizing on our fears, the industry expects us to ask, “How high?” whenever they tell us to jump. Home schooling will begin soon, but the demanding audition requests will continue, because they assume we have more time and that we we’re desperate and grateful for any crumb of an opportunity to work.
 
Whenever I look back to why I became an actor, I’m reminded of my truth: I’m an artist who mirrors human behavior within the human condition. It has nothing to do with television commercials. I look forward to navigating what is next with grace, and with my dignity in tact.
 
“In every crisis, doubt or confusion, take the higher path – the path of compassion, courage, understanding and love.” Amit Ray